Ok... So I know that depression and anxiety are linked with MS. However, I'm a comedian. I'm above all that, right?
Yeah, that's what I thought too. This is exactly the opposite of what this blog was supposed to be talking about. This was gonna be all happy and comedic and basically me saying FU to MS and showing the world how I'm so much different than all those middle aged people who just complain about their symptoms all the time... Karma is such a bitch.
Tell me if you can relate:
I'm usually the center of attention: Overflowing with charisma, charm, and good looks (sorry ladies... I'm engaged) I'm a stereotypical Leo for those of you who follow the zodiac (though, my birthday technically puts me as a Virgo... are you kidding me?)
My Neuro told me when I was first diagnosed that these kinds of feelings would be normal and prescribed me Lorazepam to help with feelings of anxiety. 5 years; no problems. Recently, however, I've found myself getting anxious in public settings.
Me...
Mister Attention...
Mister Look-at-me...
Mister I-wish-i-could-be-a-professional-stage-actor-just-so-everyone-would-notice-me.
That last one is really hard to fit on a Maine State Driver's License.
These feelings aren't me.
I find myself dreading going to family dinners when I know all 11 of my brothers/sisters/in-laws/significant others will be in attendance. I'm stressing out about going on vacation next week because I am afraid I won't be able to relax. How messed up is that? I'm stressing about about a vacation... Even as I write this blog, thinking about all these things has made me need to resort to popping a Loraz... This is getting out of hand...
My mother and brother both have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorders and are both being treated for them.
I'm not them.
I've always been the opposite of them.
I'm the get-out-and-do guy. I'm the one who organizes flashmobs and plays in a band and wants to be noticed.
When the hell did this happen?
Social events are how I relieve stress, not the cause of it.
Sound like something anyone else can relate to? Is it my MS, or my family's history of being socially inept finally coming out of my DNA to fuck with my life as I know it? Please tell me it's my family. At least then I don't have to blame myself.
I think this anxiety stuff is definitely related to our brain chemistry. For me it comes and goes in waves. Sometimes I am so mellow it is frightening. Sometimes I am so strung out just saying 'boo' to me could launch me to the moon.
ReplyDeleteMeds are good. :) So is meditating, or prayer, if you are so inclined. With all you have going on, it sounds as though you are good at channeling it. That is the best coping technique, making it work for you. You are doing good, even if you might not feel as though you are. :)